Professions and Relationships- is there any connection?

I had written an article for the Mariners Galaxy a portal that has it's tagline as Maritime world at one place.  Here's the article for you. This happens to be one of my most shared articles on the portal. It was litled, " Am so brave coz I am a sailor's wife".

It’s certainly being brave being a wife; no matter whose! 

Am sure you've heard the saying, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I haven't read the book though, by the same title written by John Gray. It was always on the back burner and still remains there! May be one day soon I shall grab a copy and read it. 

Also, have heard that, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but they suffer on Earth!

Coming to the point, how being married itself is being brave. I am certainly not an expert on the subject but I do have a Martian in my life.... actually three if the little Martians can be counted in the list! My first experience with this Martian was when we met for the first time, almost 13 years ago. Yes, we liked each other, when we got talking he spoke only his negatives. I wondered how someone couldn't think of anything positive in him, quite contrary to the general expression by most men. They try to impress the lady, may be this Martian had marriage on mind so he hit the nail on the head. If it struck it was good otherwise all was well; must have been the thoughts in his mind. It did work and worked how.....we are married!

I have read articles/ blogs/ queries coming from sailors’ wives and most of them have the tone, that of being brave, making supreme sacrifices or that of being different. All women are different! People are different including identical twins! Some common ones expressed by shippy wives are:

1. Loneliness’

Sailors wives have to be alone most of the times or for months together. That's true for all wives whose husbands are in the armed forces, paramilitary, police, are doctors or hoteliers for that matter. They are away generally and on important dates, they'll certainly be away! That doesn't make us much different isn't it?

2. Sailors are the best

Sailors are human beings and they can be good or not so good. Profession doesn't really have a bearing on one's character. Sailors are certainly good at multi tasking and have many skills. Agree they are great guys who can do almost everything and can get along with almost everyone. In their profession too they work with different nationalities and different teams on every contract. This makes them amicable and tolerant. You are certainly lucky if you managed to get the best out of them (I mean men here)

3. Love story

A write up by a shippy wife will always be on her love story. Have read so many love stories of the sailors, in their better halves' versions. Are people really interested in knowing how you met and what you did? All love stories have all the elements of a blockbuster and a sailor story is no different. It does have a dash of long distance romance but that garnish comes with the dishes churned out by many other professions such as marketing or IT for instance.

4. Sailor's queen

Every man worth his salt will ensure that his wife is treated, as well as lives the life befitting a queen. I personally feel a sailor's wife does most of the things on her own when her husband is away. She doesn't depend on a battery of servants to manage things for her. She is much more than a queen. She becomes a master, just like many other women who manage their homes, work and lives in general. 

I am asked so often, how do I deal being married to a sailor who is away from home for months. I think it's a choice I made.  I chose the man and he came as a 'package' that had his family, his profession and his identity. I am an independent woman, have my career, my children and my family. I am an equal half to my husband so we need to work together and manage our work and home front just like any other couple. 

A girl who is in a relationship with a sailor and wants to walk down the aisle with him must not be scared of the misinformed notions surrounding him by virtue of his profession. But must think of it being like any other relationship where the husband is away for a few months. It becomes a long distance relationship then, having its own pros and cons. The biggest being, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. So prioritizing and celebrating those differences is the key. 

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. Men and women think differently, their brains are wired differently. Men will talk straight and women will look for some emotional 'aw moments' in them. They are genetically designed to read between the lines and they do a lot of that; whereas men will go by what is being said. This can be a little point of difference. It is this point that generally leads to the fall out or may be even  a break up. Toilet seat can lead to a furore, whether it has to be kept up or down! Life is certainly not that bowl; so prioritizing is the key. 

PS: pictures are taken from Google with due credits!

Being able to make a choice

We talk about being liberated, educated living in the modern societies. Are we really that liberated?

Or are we the prisoners in our own homes and professional spheres? Why do I say so?

From the time we are born we are expected to behave in a certain manner by a certain age. If a baby started to roll over and yours didn’t, you’d start looking up on the internet if your child was fine on the development milestone.  Then the teething stage, if your child was late as compared to the other kids everyone would be concerned. This continues through the walking, speaking, eating  stages etc. Then comes the time to get into a school, every parent vies for the best school for their child. A school that has got the reputation of being the best from the community and where getting admission is not just difficult but at times even impossible. Not because it’s the best but because of the hordes of people who queue up outside its premises to get their ward admitted in it. That school is considered to be better than the schools where your child can secure a seat without much of a drama. We create unnecessary stress for the child even at that stage.

Then comes the big question what stream to pursue after the 12^th standard. Again in our country the student doesn’t make a choice it’s the parental pressure and the pressure from the teachers and peer group. The student takes up the stereotype professions…the ones that are perceived to be the better ones by the society. The talent or the liking of the student doesn’t matter much. When such people enter the work space they are not the best, they are not there whole heartedly, they don’t enjoy what they do… finally they end up becoming frustrated with the routine of the job leading to other ailments mentally, physically and socially. Are such people really the valued human resources?

In this age group the women face even bigger challenges such as being able to have a career or not have any? If they have a career and somewhere they are not able to balance their career with their personal lives that is, personal responsibilities. They face the pressures of the peer group and society at large.  If she decides to hang up her professional boots and be a home maker to bring up her kids, she is again under pressure of not returning to work. She is fine with her life at that stage but others keep asking her why she hasn’t returned to her workplace where she was such a star performer. 

There are various pressures that we face right from having a child of the particular gender. The institution of marriage is truly an institution here in our society where we have our say on an arranged marriage, a love marriage, an inter caste and inter religious marriages. We don’t really care about how compatible and happy the couple will be. We are torn between the conservative and the modern thinking. Somewhere we are neither.  Every thinking has its guidelines and pros and cons we are at a stage probably where we fit in neither. It’s time for introspection.

Now are we liberated? If we are then how come we are always under the pressure of being what we truly are not. When we can’t even make a choice when it comes to our own lives who are we to judge others when we don’t even know the journey that they have walked. For us the biggest freedom and liberation is being able to make a choice.