The Homecoming!

The thrill of homecoming hasn’t changed from time immemorial.  Coming home to the family makes the work richer, easier, meaningful and more fun. It is tremendous source of joy and excitement after completion of the contract. Also an intense relief regarding your beloved husband’s safe return home, but you can’t keep calm until you see him in person.

The countdown

The countdown begins may be when he is still left with a month to go. You ask him if he has communicated his sign off to the office. You need to be so prudent that you make it sound casual, what if the sign off is not lined up? He shouldn’t feel bad; remember it’s even harder for him to be away from home, family and kids. Mine counts his biryanis and me checking the dates and imagining a homecoming scene. It's sleepless nights again, I guess you get this at least a fortnight of his joining and that of his coming home. So out of 12 months in a year, 1 is spent in roller coaster of emotions, excitement, sadness, and love; all mixed into one! It wasn’t said just like that, God found some of the strongest women and paired them with the sailors. You live on your nerves but there’s joy in that too. You are a sailor’s queen, you very well know that uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. You wear a big one at that; it’s a combination of multiple hats that you adorn and so seamlessly switch from one to the other.

 The sign off

Finally he tells you that the sign off is planned. You know from experience in shipping nothing is planned per say, last minute changes and delays can always happen. It’s a part and parcel of the job. You believe in the sign off only when he sends you his flight details and tells you that he has left the vessel. That’s when you feel the butterflies in your belly. It’s exciting to know that he has traveled the world but now he’s going to be in yours, your home! You’ve been under the same stars and now under one roof too. Your husband, your heart, your hero is going to be in your home! It’s time to clear his cupboard. I tend to use a bit of his, you know a woman will never find her wardrobe to be spacious enough, no matter how large it is.  It’s time for me to remove my stuff from there; the shifting of things is the ultimate realisation that he’ll be finally home.

 Your time

You have spent days looking at the pictures and reliving moments. Waking up and immediately checking whatsaap or messenger hoping that there’s a message from him. Your smart phone is the link between your hearts. You’d check the last seen time, and imagine what he’d be doing.  You have spent months missing him. It certainly doesn’t get easier but you become stronger. 

The preparations

You begin with spring cleaning the house, the sailor is finicky about cleanliness, and he’ll clean the bathroom even at 3 am if he feels it needs a bit of sprucing up before he takes his shower. That’s the level of cleanliness acceptable to him. I can never match it, even though I am hotelier. Kids are excited too, they might make welcome home cards, infact you encourage them to. There are flowers waiting at home in a bouquet or the vase.

 I remember the first time he came home on sign off after our marriage was to see himself as a new father. The signoff got delayed and sonny arrived earlier than the due date. It was past midnight he switched on all the lights to see both of us; holding our son and laughing and crying at the same time. That picture is etched in my memory forever fresh.

The feeling of homecoming is that important and powerful for all, the sailor and his family. Women I know start cleaning their homes as if it’s Diwali, truly it’s a festival in the real sense when your sailor is home. A visit to the parlour is a must too. Probably you didn’t really bother about it or didn’t have the time, so this visit is a must before he is home. It may not matter to him, he loves you anyways but for you it’s one way of a celebration or a big event. For women no big event is complete without visiting the friendly neighborhood salon. So there you go! Some even dress up at 4 am just to welcome him home, may get the kids ready too. I haven’t ever done that but you never know! Surprises are good sometimes. A friend of mine even prepares delicacies like the kebabs and loads her refrigerator with them so that she can keep calm while her sailor enjoys the kebabs! 

The arrival

On coming home, honeymoon or vacation periods vary, often depending on family plans and work schedules. It is important to share expectations well in advance by simply asking each member of the family what they want to do.  Many sailors want to sleep and eat home cooked meals, while spouses want to go out to fancy restaurants. It’s a good idea to discuss or make plans in advance so that everyone’s desires can be addressed. Children obviously want to spend time with their dad, doing different activities.  They’d want to do all that the mother didn’t allow them to or couldn’t take them out for. My children’s wish list is to go for various sports, playing badminton, football or for a swim. They also have a shopping list in place. For some, the reunion of partners and the ability to share parenting and household responsibilities again is the primary source of relief and joy. Known what works for you and plan accordingly.

We generally plan a vacation, it breaks the routine and we get to spend some quality time together. You may not follow the holiday season as it’s the season when the man is home. Remember mantra is work hard, party harder! No matter what you do make the vacation time memorable!

PS Pictures are taken from google with due credits

The Sailor and his boat that'll cross the globe

In my last post I wrote about Cdr. Abhilash Tomy and his upcoming project the Golden Globe Race 2018. In case you missed it and want to give it a glace, here you go!

https://laxmitodiwan.blogspot.in/2017/08/a-sailor-at-heart-and-explorer-in-soul.html

He sent me a picture of his boat. It did look magnificent but so small that it was difficult for me to even imagine that it could actually round the earth. I am aware that even the tiniest things can be pretty mighty and this boat, The Thuriya is certainly one. About his boat he said that he felt as if she was talking to him. Once you establish that kind of relationship you'll do all that it takes to be in it and cherish the beauty of that love. Bonds are not created just for nothing!

I am truly a supporter of anything that's not ordinary. The out of the box ideas energise me. Not that I am a gutsy woman who can do the tight rope walking. Things affect me so much so that I can't even drive on a busy road.... forget busy not even in the best of the roads to be precise!

I love to talk about positivity, optimism and the hunger to follow one's dreams. I believe that any dose of inspiration needs to be shared, you never know who gets motivated to pursue his own set of dreams taking a leaf out of that story. That makes me follow this journey upto the race with Tomy.

My liking for Anything but Ordinary, guess what? That's the brand promise of my organisation too. No wonder I love what I do! Coming to the point, I have been following Abhilash in his gutsy, adventurous to the extent of  near impossible actions but he achieves them no matter what. I've known him for long, since school days that makes a silver jubilee, nothing less. He always stood out doing something that no one would even imagine. He went on to become a Naval pilot, that again are in minority. The sailing bug bit him and how, leading him to circumnavigate the earth. Have been a distant spectator to all that. I'd drop a message once in a while if I read his interview or heard him commenting on something. Only telling him if he was out of his mind. That probably would be the outcome of most of our conversations.

He is preparing to be a part of the Golden Globe Race 2018, who wouldn't accept the prestigious invite? It's certainly an honour to be one of the 5 sailors chosen from around the world. Guess that'd be any sailor's dream. It's not that simple as the race will go back in time and good 50 years, thats's half a century! It requires meticulous planning and a whole lot of detailing. Can't afford to miss anything on the indent sheet. Above all it requires guts, that he has in abundance.

He sent me a video posted by The Week, saw it and as usual messaged, "OMG! why do you want to risk so much. You are an achiever and an inspiration, just chill and be happy." He replied, "I like the kick." May be that kick makes him who he is. I wish to share that video with you all, here.

I am sure you connected with Abhilash's take on the upcoming event. His fundraiser is slowly and steadily taking him towards that vision. If you wish to support the fundraiser do click here, spread the word @Ketto fundraiser - 'Cdr Abhilash Tomy in the Golden Globe Race 2018'.

https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/abhilashtomyGGR?utm_source=campaigner&utm_medium=fbautopost&utm_campaign=abhilashtomyGGR&utm_term=campaign_push&utm_content=254539&shby=1

Follow his page for all the excitement: https://www.facebook.com/abhilashtomysailing/
Website:
http://www.abhilashtomy.com/

Pictures and video courtesy, Abhilash Tomy and The Week

A sailor at heart and an explorer in soul

This post is not about me but a sailor who can certainly be called 'great' as he has achieved something that no ordinary man or woman can. This is about Commandar Abhilash Tomy, KC an Indian Naval Officer. What makes him an achiever is that; he is the first Indian, second Asian, and seventy-ninth person to complete a solo, unassisted, non-stop circumnavigation (the action or process of sailing around the world) under sail.

It's about India’s greatest naval adventure.

The boat used for the project, Sagar Parikrama of the indian Navy was the Indian Navy Sailing Vessel INSV Mhadei, custom built by the Indian Navy. A man who covered about 40000 kms, sailing around the world, alone and without any help or stops. INSV Mhadei, went through some of the most terrible and lonely places on this planet encountering ferocious storms and raging seas. An adventure of this magnitude is so difficult that less than 100 people have ever successfully completed one. To compare, more than 5 times the number has gone to space and more than 5000 people have been on the Mt. Everest.

He set off on the historic voyage from the Gateway of India, Mumbai on 1st November 2012. Moving slowly and steadily on the route marked for him. If you can say marked, in the first place! Remember nothing is marked on the sea; one has to make it on his own but the route is more or less just a guideline.

He crossed, from West to East, the Indian, Pacific, Southern and Atlantic Oceans, covering 23,100 nautical miles, rounding Cape Leeuwin in Australia, Cape Horn in South America and Cape of Good Hope in Africa. The journey took 151 days and was completed on 31 March 2013.

Tomy was awarded the Kirti Chakra (second highest peacetime gallantry award in India) and the Tenzing Norgay National Adventure Award. He has spoken to students regarding the protection and conservation of the world's oceans. He has done TedX Videos, has numerous articles written about him and he has spoken on many different platforms with panache.

I was following his voyage closely just like millions of others from around the world through his blog and social media updates. He came out with a book, which was a pictorial representation of this feat, aptly titled 151.

The other day I received an invite from him, before the attachment could open I was smiling thinking that finally the man gets hooked! When I saw the invite it wasn't for his wedding but about the launch of another boat. The invite read,

Hi there,

You would have already read something about the Golden Globe Race 2018. 

Held for the first time in 1968, the race threw up the first person to circumnavigate the earth solo and non stop. Out of the nine entrants only one finished. 

The race is being repeated in 2018, with entrants requiring to use the same technology as 1968 participants, and I have a special invitation. I am building a replica of the Shuali which was the first to win this race.

The Thuriya will be launched on 7 August at Goa, and you are invited to the ceremony!

Please do confirm your presence.

I messaged him immediately, asking him if he had lost it. Why on earth would he want to do this again and this time being even more primitive, going back 50 years? To which his circumnavigation looked like a cake walk. He laughed it. I also told him that it'd cost a fortune, how was he going to manage the funds necessary for this voyage. 

Have learnt, from the history that the voyages were funded by the Kings and Queens. Thankful to them that the world is a smaller place today and there is so much travel and trade. Also the maritime industry is huge and touching almost everyone’s life. The Voyage of Vasco Da Gama was funded by the King of Portugal and that of Columbus was funded by the King of Spain.

I asked him if he had found the royalty that'd sponsor him. He said that he needed funds and in fair amounts. He had good chances of podium finish. Anything less than the funds he calculated might not be good enough but he'd still go. He was adamant not to approach any government bodies so relied on organisations to sponsor and general public to help generate funds. He said that he had fighting chances and any help would be good.

I guess we can be the royalty in our attitude and support this daredevil in his upcoming challenge. Commander Tomy, is one of India’s most prominent sailors and has been given one of five Special Invitations to join the Golden Globe Race.

A brief but jaw dropping history of the Golden Globe Race

The Sunday Times Golden Globe Race was a non-stop, single-handed, round-the-world yacht race, held in 1968–1969, and was the first round-the-world yacht race. It  was controversial due to the failure of most competitors to finish the race and because of the suicide of one entrant; however, it ultimately led to the founding of the BOC Challenge and Vendée Globe round-the-world races, both of which continue to be successful and popular.

The race was sponsored by the British Sunday Times. The Golden Globe trophy was offered to the first person to complete an unassisted, non-stop single-handed circumnavigation of the world via the great capes, and a separate £5,000 prize was offered for the fastest single-handed circumnavigation.

Nine sailors started the race; four retired before leaving the Atlantic Ocean. Of the five remaining, Chay Blyth, who had set off with absolutely no sailing experience, sailed past the Cape of Good Hope before retiring; Nigel Tetley sank with 1,100 nautical miles (2,000 km) to go while leading; Donald Crowhurst, who, in desperation, attempted to fake a round-the-world voyage to avoid financial ruin, began to show signs of mental illness, and then committed suicide; and Bernard Moitessier, who rejected the philosophy behind a commercialised competition, abandoned the race while in a strong position to win and kept sailing non-stop until he reached Tahiti after circling the globe one and a half times. 

Robin Knox-Johnston was the only entrant to complete the race, becoming the first person to sail single-handed and non-stop around the world. He was awarded both prizes, and later donated the £5,000 to a fund supporting Crowhurst's family.

To add to the dramatic history of the race, this I learnt from Tomy that all nine men were single except Sir Robin Knox-Johnston, who had divorced his wife.  Figuratively speaking even he was single then. He was the only man who completed the Golden Globe Race, Guess what he did? He married the same lady he once divorced. Also Sir Knox- Johnston’s boat was built in Colaba, Mumbai, India.

Tomy is recreating what Sir Robin Knox-Johnston did in 1968, his boat The Thuriya is a replica of The Swahili used by Sir Knox- Johnston. Only thing not replicated is the divorce part as Tomy is all single! With his kind of madness and to keep doing something that is more challenging.  His aim is to get people to take yachting as a more serious sport. The Sea makes an individual understand the meaning of life and the realization that a little is certainly more! The only other person that I know who kept bettering himself was Sergei Bubka, the Russian pole vaulter who had no competition during his career.

I am sure Tomy will find sponsors; anyone of you reading this has a lead, would be really nice if it can reach our man.  Any organisation wants to sponsor the only Indian at the Golden Globe Race can certainly show their support and encouragement. 

All others who are reading this, now you can be a part of the race! Show your support on 

@Ketto fundraiser - 'Cdr Abhilash Tomy in the Golden Globe Race 2018'.

https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/abhilashtomyGGR?utm_source=campaigner&utm_medium=fbautopost&utm_campaign=abhilashtomyGGR&utm_term=campaign_push&utm_content=254539&shby=1

Follow his page for all the excitement: https://www.facebook.com/abhilashtomysailing/
Website:

http://www.abhilashtomy.com/

A page from the life of a shippy's wife

I had been thinking of writing about the life of a shippy's wife after I came across a diary maintained by a mariner that spoke about the hardships and the agony the sailor goes through being away from home for long periods of time. He had everything written from his point of view, somewhere I felt that this officer didn't understand that his wife faced the same and much more as she had to manage her family and kids all by herself and get worried about her man too.

I am married to a mariner and have a lot of friends in that profession, I also know quite a few women married to the mariners. I understand the profession to some extent by now.

Who is a mariner?

They work for shipping companies. Most of them join as cadets right after 12th standard with Science and Maths as their core subjects, some even join after their graduation in Science stream. A student holding a bachelor's degree in Mechanical/ Electrical/ Technology engineering can also join the Merchant navy. 

A career in the merchant navy requires people to be mentally strong physically tough.  They need to be able to adapt to different environments and work cultures. They should be willing to take on responsibility, have  love for adventure and challenges and have a desire to strive for higher positions. They should be able to work as well as study for examinations in between. They need to be intelligent, intuitive, willing to work in a team, be flexible, be patient, have a liking for solitude, are willing to live away from family and loved ones for long stretches of time. 

Engineers are required to be resourceful and practical, have great skills at Maths and Physics. Have in depth knowledge of the working of different machines and manual dexterity is a must. One should be willing to learn new ways and work with modern technology and be able to work in the deck department as well if need arises. This is the kind of job specification for a career at Sea.

It takes about 2-3 years of sailing as a cadet to become the third officer  then another 2-3 years to become the second officer. Sailing for about the same time, one can go on to become the Chief officer or the First Mate. It takes about 15  years of service in the Merchant Navy to finally adorn the stripes of the captain. (The wait used to be much longer in the olden days probably that's how the stereotype of the captain the grand old man with white hair and beard has remained a symbol of the highest rank in the profession). They need to clear exams at each stage.
For engineers, they can join as engine cadets / fifth engineer / junior engineer. Just like their deck counterparts they also go up the ladder in their careers as the 4th engineer, 3rd engineer, 2nd engineer and then the Chief Engineer.
Some of them even go on to become deck or engine superintendents after successful stint as Masters or Chief Engineers.
They join different shipping companies the employment is on contract. For Cadets the contract can be for 9 months, for junior officers its for about 5 months whereas for the senior officers the contract is generally for 4+_ 1 month. They have the option of  rejoining the same company or going for afresh contract with some other shipping company.
The job is tough, they see only the sea for months. The team is the bare minimum that the company can think of . A large vessel may just have about 20 people to manage the entire show. Captain becomes the teacher /philosopher / trainer/ mentor and the 'Buddha' and in some cases the doctor too. Bosses are extremely demanding and the same moves downwards. The agony is explaining the situation onboard to people (experts) sitting miles away in some other continent, at times the expert advice that they get can be the most illogical one. This is the tricky stuff the captain handles, making  a choice between obeying orders or doing what can save at that moment. The faint hearted  may hang their shoes even before they get worn out. The job is demanding no doubt and not everyone's cup of tea... oh the sea sickness gives me goosebumps. The sea itself can get hostile as pirates operate in certain stretches of the sea around the globe. Everything comes at a price! including the NRE status that others envy.

He at sea and the better half on land - the communication
Today if I need to communicate with my husband I can drop an email to him, if he is at a port can sms him or even try calling the vessel number in case of an emergency. He can be contacted within a few minutes. Of course they don't have their internet connection active throughout the day but the vessel connects to the internet regularly to communicate with their head office or charterers. The message will certainly reach him.

I remember when we got engaged, during our courtship as well as early years of our marriage hubby was Chief officer then. He had limited access to the internet,(in fact he didn't want to use the captain's computer for accessing his emails) so didn't receive emails from him at all. But he would call using the satellite phone or make calls from the local number when the vessel was at a port.

In the olden days it seems communication wasn't that easy, people had to write letters. When I listen to those ladies who wrote letters to their husbands and would wait to hear from them, I feel we are blessed to be having such efficient technology at our disposal. I know of ladies who send emails to their husbands, atleast one everyday, just letting them know whats happening on the home front or how the kids are growing up, or sharing the mischiefs and special moments from the lives of their children. They really don't bother if the mariner was busy and didn't get the time to revert to their email. These ladies keep the communication going and keeping it very healthy. They know what their husbands careers demand and are playing their roles of being the better halves the best that they can!

Some of them feel that their husbands are away for 4 months, but they'd be there for them for the next so many months. Thats certainly good quality time with family. If you look at today's corporate world, the husband and wife are busy with their own careers and can never have the kind of time that they need to devote to their family. For the mariner its 4 months of vacation after putting in about that much of time at work. If you have an office job you can't manage with more than 21 days of leave in a year. The vacation becomes an incentive for the mariner for sure, an incentive for spending days in solitude.

Life of a shippy's wife
'Saat saheliyan' song from the movie Vidhaata, is apt for describing the woes of a new wife being married to the man following a particular profession very seriously.

saat saheliya - khadi khadi fariyaad sunaye ghadi ghadi

The song talks about the complaints that the women share with their girl friends about their husband's professions. How they bring their professions home and expect them to be just like one of their clients!

There are issues that needs to be addressed in every marriage. The solution lies in the understanding that the two individuals have about each other and how they adjust and adapt themselves to make things work for them. Its certainly not about compromises but adjustments is the key.

The issues faced by a shippy's wife are adjusting with the family if the man joins back soon after marriage she needs to understand the family and fit into that; some girls find it difficult. Some who do not follow a professional career have  much time at their hands and don't really know what to do with it so they join  kitty party groups and form a circle of similar friends. Spend time meeting for kitty parties, go shopping, visit salons etc. The weekends might be spend with their parents if they are close by, they feel loneliness often. Some choose to join their husbands and sail with them, infact there are some ladies I know who enjoy this. Its a good getaway from home (responsibilities as well!). Again, for a career woman this is often not possible. This ofcourse changes when kids arrive. Even that is an experience in itself and adventurous one may be. Some of them go through the pregnancy all on their own. Handling the morning sickness, visit to the doctor and the long wait there. They get emotional when they see the others accompanied by their husbands. Some may have gone through the delivery without their husbands reaching home, as no one can predict the exact date of delivery and in spite of planning things well in advance the mariner may not have been able to  make it for the D day. The new dad feels the same emotions but he may never express it. The mother is there welcoming her child and the little bundle of joy is with her but the poor mariner is miles away from home, missing the big moment and worrying about his wife and child.

She single handedly brings up her children. Initial years as a young mother are quite trying, the child falls sick, gets cranky and needs more attention as he too misses his dad. She tries to be a good mom at the same time fill in a bit of the father's shoes too. She handles the birthdays, the school admissions that are like missions to Mt. Everest, it is extremely difficult to get into the most soughted  after schools in the city. School lives of their children bring their own challenges. Being there for all PTMs and other school functions and activities. As the children grow up she needs to match their energies, its tough when she has boys to manage.

So for the mariner who felt that life was quite tough for him, his better half deserves the same appreciation for her efforts.

Now, its not about comparisons and who scores above the other but its all about valuing each other and respecting and appreciating the efforts.

I personally feel that shippies are very simple people, not much in touch with the happenings around. They spend so much time away from home. Most of them start their careers at 18 years or so and then they are away most time of the year. They don't make many friends as they might have not been to a regular college, missed the college fun and socialising during their student years and thus missed opportunities to build great friendships. 

When they have the time while on leave the others are busy juggling their homes and careers. 

These people are also soft targets for ambitious bankers, relationship managers and financial advisors who sell their mutual funds, life insurance instruments and other financial plans to them. Often these financial decisions are not that great. Forget being great they aren't even good!

They are also very vigilant a little noise or some tricky smell in the house can put things on high alert, that might annoy the other family members. But one needs to understand the tough laws that they have to adhere to while sailing has a bit of a bearing in their lives. They are perfectionist when it comes to their work but when at home they warm the sofas as the couch potatoes. Gym membership may be taken as they come all charged up from the ship but the realisation that they are on vacation and need to take life easy sinks in in due course of time and they bid farewell to the gym. Thats perfectly all right and we do respect their decision.

One of my friends mentioned that one had to be a very strong woman to be married to a mariner. I'd say all women are strong and deal with issues. Be it your maid in the house who juggles to make the ends meet, the woman who works at the quarry or the one assisting her husband who is building the road, taking care of the little child who she takes along. The same is the case with the wife of a corporate honcho who works round the clock and has hardly anytime for the lady or the family for that matter. I come from the defence background and I have seen women who manage everything on their own when their husbands are away on duty. I have deep respect for my mom and my mom in law who are two such women. They are instrumental in making us siblings, what we are today. If I compare myself with them I am no where close.

Something that I have often heard, an old saying that, 'A sailor has a wife at every port'... C'mon if you see the way modern ships work and the sailing patterns that they follow, they hardly have any time at ports, most of the time they are standing far in the sea on anchors. Vessels pay to stand at the port, so they are there only till the work of loading or downloading of cargo is happening. Poor men handling one wife at home port is all that they can manage in one lifetime! I still wonder where this saying came from?

To the mariner who thinks that he has the toughest job on earth, please pause and look at the lady in your life who deals with all that and more. To the lady who feels being married to a mariner is the toughest thing and that she is a 'Superwoman' look at the things that the shippy does to make life comfortable and easier for you and supports you emotionally. He may not be there with you physically but he is always around in spirit.

Cheers to the brave men who choose careers at sea and the women in their lives who match them in every possible way!