The Manifestations of Maa Durga

Sarva Mangal Mangalye Shive Sarvartha Sadhike

Sharanye Tryambake Gauri Narayani Namostute

Oh Mother, you are the source of auspiciousness. And the support of Shiva.Possessing the third eye of enlightenment, O Gauri, O Narayani, I surrender to you.

This year during Navratri, there were beautiful DPs (Display Pictures) used in one of the groups that I am a member of. My younger son's class group where we all mothers are connected, for the obvious reasons; sharing important messages, notes and updates from the class teacher. Like a lot of people I too fast during the auspicious period. I liked the DP of the group, didn't really open it to check thinking that it'd be a picture taken from the internet. The picture changed on the second day of the Navratri, then the third and so on. Finally I opened the DP to enlarge it and have a better view. I discovered that these were actually paintings of one of the mothers, Swapna. I loved her form of devotion very much. I asked her if she could send me her renditions of the manifestations of Maa Durga, Which she gladly did. They have been my treasured possessions since then; safe on my phone and email. Finally, got them here on my Blog to share with you all. I found each picture to be live and as if it was talking to me. Thought of creating a little write up so that I could use the beautiful paintings as illustrations.

Navratri in Sanskrit translates to ‘nine nights’. Hindus all across the world celebrate these nine nights with great fervor and enthusiasm. These nine nights of festivities are marked with ritualistic fasting and performing poojas, while leading a calm, spiritual  and meditative lifestyle. This festival is dedicated to Goddess Durga and her 9 manifestations or avatars. On each of these nine days, her devotees worship the nine different avatars of Goddess Durga or Shakti. The ‘Nav Durga’ or the nine manifestations are pleased with special offerings and prayers. The significance of Nav Durga is narrated and reiterated in every Hindu household especially during the Navratri;  as this is the time when Goddess Durga descends from the heaven to bless her devotees. Here are the nine manifestations of Goddess Durga that are worshiped on each day of Navratri.

Shailaputri

Goddess Parvati is Maa Shailaputri (daughter of the mountains). Her First Incarnation was that of Maa Sati. From the time Maa Sati was a Child, She had only one focus and aim in life, Lord Shiva. As She grew up Her Love and devotion for The Lord grew deeper. She began Her penance to please Lord Shiva and She did that. The Lord manifested in front of Her to grant Her a boon. Maa Sati asked The Lord for His eternal companionship as Man and Wife. It was granted. She is the absolute form of Mother nature.

Brahmacharini

Maa Brahmacharini is Maa Parvati. Brahmacharini means a devoted female student who lives in an Ashrama with her Guru along with other students. This second form of Nav Durga is the one related to the most severe penances connected with worship of Devi Maa. This manifestation of the Goddess is associated with the penance done by Maa Sati or Maa Parvati to get the boon of eternal companionship with Lord Shiva. Maa Parvati’s penance for Lord Shiva went on for thousands of years. 

Candraghanta

Maa Durga in Her third avatar for the first time shows Herself as the ferocious One. Maa Chandraghanta (She has a bell-shaped half moon on Her forehead, thus the word Ghanta, meaning bell). She is worshiped on the third day of Navratri. She has ten arms and rides a lion. She is worshiped by those who seek Her blessings to ward off their opponents and foes who resort to corrupt or evil means. Her third eye is always opened and she always ready for war against demons.

Kushmanda

Maa Durga’s fourth avatar is that of Kushmanda. She is considered as the Mother of all creations, all planets, stars, galaxies, and the universe. The Sun is her home and dwelling. Kushmanda means ‘The one who created the universe as a tiny celestial egg’. She has created the Universe, and thus is also known as the Primordial One, or the ‘Adi Shakti’. She has breathed life into all things and beings; and by praying to her, the devotee is bestowed with resplendent glory, success, fame and well being. She resides in the Sun and only she can; as she has created it. Her form is luminous and has resplendent glow like the Sun. She has eight hands hence gets the name Ashtabhuja.

Skanda Mata

Skanda Mata is the fifth form of Maa Durga. She gets her name from her son; Kartikeya, who among other names is also called Skanda. Hence Skanda Mata would mean the mother of Skanda. Lord Skanda is also known as Subramanya or  Murugan and worshipped by these names.

Katyayani

This is the sixth manifestation of Maa Durga. She is the destroyer of Mahishasura. Maa Katyayani’s name is derived from a sage called Kaatyaayana. Sage Kaatyaayana was a devotee and disciple of Maa Durga. He worshiped Her with dedication, love,  and sincerity. Maa Durga pleased with Him, appeared before Him, and told Him to ask for a boon. The Sage asked Her to be born as his daughter. Maa blessed him and took birth as his daughter, Katyayani.

Kalaratri

This seventh form of Maa Durga is also called Maa Kali or Kalika. She is dark skinned and ferocious, She can seem very daunting to those who go just by her physical appearance. She fights the enemy of her devotees. She is atop a donkey (her vahan), and has a sword, a trishul and a noose. Maa Kalaratri has a third eye on her forehead. Though She is depicted as dark skinned, black to be precise, luminous rays of light emit from her body. She is seen as The Power and the destroyer of all evil.

Mahagauri

The eighth manifestation of Nav Durga, is Maa Durga, represented as a young eight year old girl.

Due to thousands of years of penance that was undertaken by Maa Parvati to appease Lord Shiva, Her complexion became dark, almost black in colour. When Lord Shiva was convinced of Her devotion and love, He bathed Her with the holy water of the Ganga that flowed through His locks. Devi Maa regained her former complexion and radiance. Her name became Maha Gauri or Gauri, (the one who is very fair or radiant).

Siddhidatri

Devi Maa in her ninth manifestation is the giver of all siddhis. This is the final manifestation of Maa Durga; but in reality, creation as we know of, evolved from Siddhidatri avtar of the Nav Durga. Legend says, when the Universal Mother, the creator of all creators, created Lord Shiva,  the Lord prayed to Her to bestow Him with all boons that would lead to perfection. Maa Durga; from herself created Maa Siddhidayani or Siddhidatri. She is the ultimate giver and blesses everyone who prays to her.

It's not only during Navratri that we invoke Her, She is Omnipresent and blesses all of us in the form of our own mothers!

PS  A big thank you to Swapna Deshpande for the mesmerising pictures of  Goddess Durga.

The Homecoming!

The thrill of homecoming hasn’t changed from time immemorial.  Coming home to the family makes the work richer, easier, meaningful and more fun. It is tremendous source of joy and excitement after completion of the contract. Also an intense relief regarding your beloved husband’s safe return home, but you can’t keep calm until you see him in person.

The countdown

The countdown begins may be when he is still left with a month to go. You ask him if he has communicated his sign off to the office. You need to be so prudent that you make it sound casual, what if the sign off is not lined up? He shouldn’t feel bad; remember it’s even harder for him to be away from home, family and kids. Mine counts his biryanis and me checking the dates and imagining a homecoming scene. It's sleepless nights again, I guess you get this at least a fortnight of his joining and that of his coming home. So out of 12 months in a year, 1 is spent in roller coaster of emotions, excitement, sadness, and love; all mixed into one! It wasn’t said just like that, God found some of the strongest women and paired them with the sailors. You live on your nerves but there’s joy in that too. You are a sailor’s queen, you very well know that uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. You wear a big one at that; it’s a combination of multiple hats that you adorn and so seamlessly switch from one to the other.

 The sign off

Finally he tells you that the sign off is planned. You know from experience in shipping nothing is planned per say, last minute changes and delays can always happen. It’s a part and parcel of the job. You believe in the sign off only when he sends you his flight details and tells you that he has left the vessel. That’s when you feel the butterflies in your belly. It’s exciting to know that he has traveled the world but now he’s going to be in yours, your home! You’ve been under the same stars and now under one roof too. Your husband, your heart, your hero is going to be in your home! It’s time to clear his cupboard. I tend to use a bit of his, you know a woman will never find her wardrobe to be spacious enough, no matter how large it is.  It’s time for me to remove my stuff from there; the shifting of things is the ultimate realisation that he’ll be finally home.

 Your time

You have spent days looking at the pictures and reliving moments. Waking up and immediately checking whatsaap or messenger hoping that there’s a message from him. Your smart phone is the link between your hearts. You’d check the last seen time, and imagine what he’d be doing.  You have spent months missing him. It certainly doesn’t get easier but you become stronger. 

The preparations

You begin with spring cleaning the house, the sailor is finicky about cleanliness, and he’ll clean the bathroom even at 3 am if he feels it needs a bit of sprucing up before he takes his shower. That’s the level of cleanliness acceptable to him. I can never match it, even though I am hotelier. Kids are excited too, they might make welcome home cards, infact you encourage them to. There are flowers waiting at home in a bouquet or the vase.

 I remember the first time he came home on sign off after our marriage was to see himself as a new father. The signoff got delayed and sonny arrived earlier than the due date. It was past midnight he switched on all the lights to see both of us; holding our son and laughing and crying at the same time. That picture is etched in my memory forever fresh.

The feeling of homecoming is that important and powerful for all, the sailor and his family. Women I know start cleaning their homes as if it’s Diwali, truly it’s a festival in the real sense when your sailor is home. A visit to the parlour is a must too. Probably you didn’t really bother about it or didn’t have the time, so this visit is a must before he is home. It may not matter to him, he loves you anyways but for you it’s one way of a celebration or a big event. For women no big event is complete without visiting the friendly neighborhood salon. So there you go! Some even dress up at 4 am just to welcome him home, may get the kids ready too. I haven’t ever done that but you never know! Surprises are good sometimes. A friend of mine even prepares delicacies like the kebabs and loads her refrigerator with them so that she can keep calm while her sailor enjoys the kebabs! 

The arrival

On coming home, honeymoon or vacation periods vary, often depending on family plans and work schedules. It is important to share expectations well in advance by simply asking each member of the family what they want to do.  Many sailors want to sleep and eat home cooked meals, while spouses want to go out to fancy restaurants. It’s a good idea to discuss or make plans in advance so that everyone’s desires can be addressed. Children obviously want to spend time with their dad, doing different activities.  They’d want to do all that the mother didn’t allow them to or couldn’t take them out for. My children’s wish list is to go for various sports, playing badminton, football or for a swim. They also have a shopping list in place. For some, the reunion of partners and the ability to share parenting and household responsibilities again is the primary source of relief and joy. Known what works for you and plan accordingly.

We generally plan a vacation, it breaks the routine and we get to spend some quality time together. You may not follow the holiday season as it’s the season when the man is home. Remember mantra is work hard, party harder! No matter what you do make the vacation time memorable!

PS Pictures are taken from google with due credits

Wear Pink to Work - Breast Cancer Awareness

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we do our part in the cause by choosing a day as, Wear Pink to Work and organise various activities for staff, women in particular. Posters are put up, talks or discussions are held; they could be great ways to refresh your knowledge of the disease. As more research is done and advancements are made, it can be difficult to determine the latest and most trusted information on breast cancer. It is imperative to take the time to learn some common myths and facts about the disease, and share with women in your circles, your mother, daughters, friends or other women in your life. 

We are wearing pink to work tomorrow and I prepared a note that I'd like to share with all the women colleagues. Thought of sharing it here on my blog so that it can reach out to others too. Have collated information that might be useful or could be used as a guide for self examination. In case of any doubt, we have doctors to rush to and get the timely diagnosis and treatment.

Breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women:

Breast cancer has ranked number one cancer among Indian females with age adjusted rate as high as 25.8 per 100,000 women and mortality 12.7 per 100,000 women. Breast cancer projection for India during time periods 2020 suggests the number to go as high as 1797900. Better health awareness and availability of breast cancer screening programmes and treatment facilities would cause a favorable and positive clinical picture in the country.

The positive news is that if breast cancer is diagnosed and treated early, the five-year survival rate is nearly 99 percent.

Obesity can increase your likelihood of developing breast cancer: Studies show that obesity increases the risk of postmenopausal breast cancer, possibly due to high estrogen levels found in fat tissue. Exercising regularly and eating a nutritious diet can help you maintain a healthy weight.

Taking birth control pills may increase your risk of breast cancer: According to several studies, if you currently use birth control pills, you may slightly increase your risk of breast cancer, especially if you are a young woman. However, your risk level returns to normal about 10 years after you stop taking the pill. Most of the research on this topic applies to high-dose estrogen pills, which were more common in the past; more studies need to be done to determine if newer, low-dose estrogen formulas carry a similar risk. Talk to your health care professional about how birth control pills may impact your cancer risk; some studies suggest they may reduce risk for other cancers.

Breaking Myths about Breast Cancer

Only women with a family history of breast cancer are at risk

Roughly 70 percent of women diagnosed with breast cancer have no identifiable risk factors for the disease. But the family-history risks are these: If a first-degree relative (a parent, sibling, or child) has had or has breast cancer, your risk of developing the disease approximately doubles. Having two first-degree relatives with the disease increases your risk even more.

Drinking milk (dairy) causes breast cancer

According to the National Breast Cancer foundation, studies have shown that dairy consumption does not increase your risk of developing breast Cancer. 

Men do not get breast cancer

Each year it is estimated that approximately 2,190 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 410 will die. While this percentage is still small, men should also check themselves periodically by doing a breast self-exam while in the shower and reporting any changes to their physicians. 

Caffeine causes breast cancer

No causal connection has been found between drinking caffeine and getting breast cancer; In fact, some research suggests that caffeine may actually lower your risk.

Antiperspirants and deodorants cause breast cancer: 

No clear scientific evidence has been found to support this claim.

If your mother did not have breast cancer, you are not at risk

Although a family history of the disease does increase your risk, anyone can develop breast cancer. In fact, most women who are diagnosed with breast cancer do not have a family history of the disease. Regardless, it is important to know your family history and talk to a health care professional about your risk to determine when and how often you should get screened.

  

Breast cancer has high survival rates, but that comes down to breast awareness and monitoring

Who should do a self-breast exam?

Every woman, under 18 or over 50 and everyone in between should do a regular self-check at least once a month. 

All women over 20 should be breast aware while women aged 30 to 40 should get a clinical breast exam (by a doctor) done every three years. Women aged over 40 should do a clinical breast exam every year.

What does it mean to be 'breast aware'?

 25 per cent of all women with cancer, have breast cancer. It is sad that there is still stigma over being aware of your own breasts and body. Being breast aware is all about gauging what is normal for you - as an individual woman. Women's breasts keep changing throughout the month and throughout their life. What is normal for me or you will not be normal for another person. The only way to know when something doesn't seem right is to understand what is normal for you personally and to then monitor your breasts regularly.

When should you check?

Ideally it is best to check your breasts after your menstrual period as the hormonal changes during or right before menstruation can affect your results month to month. Breasts are also painful for many women during the time, which could make it harder to understand if something is wrong.

Before and during your shower is the best and most convenient time to do a self-examination. 

Which areas should you check?

The self-exam should include three areas of your body:

1. Breasts,
2. Collarbone area and
3. Armpits

 What should you look for?

In all these areas you are looking for:

1. Lumps, painful or otherwise
2. Moving or fixed swelling in any of these areas
3. Differences in skin texture like puckering or dimpling anywhere on the breast
4. Any unnatural or painful discharge from the breast
5. Drastic differences in shape or size of either breast (usually women tend to have slight differences in sizes, which makes understanding what's normal so important)
6. Any rash or redness around the nipples 
7. Any pain that is not related to menstruation or other cyclical pains

 Steps

1. Stand straight with your hands loose by your side, look at your breasts and collarbone area. Look for any visible swelling in either area or skin texture differences on the breasts.
2. Place your hands on your hips and bend forward. Watch the way your skin looks and the way your breasts move to check for anomalies.
3. Place your palms on the back of your head and straighten up. Look at the armpits, and to the sides and under the breasts for any swelling, skin texture differences, rashes or shape variations.
4. After this, lift only your left arm up. You can place the palm on your head or hold it straight up.
5. Place your right hand on your left breast and use the pads of your fingers to start the exam from the centre of the breast.
6. Move your fingers firmly, lightly pressing with the pads of the fingers, in concentric circles outward, feeling for lumps or swelling in the entire breast tissue. Also note any uncharacteristic pain.
7. Do the same in the left armpit and the left collarbone area. 
8. Let your left arm down and repeat the entire process from Step 4 with your right arm up, using your left hand to check your right breast, armpit and collarbone area.

The best way to do this is during a shower. You can repeat this lying down on your back when the breast tissue lies closes to the bone. 

Why is it important?

Breast cancer is one of the most common cancers in the world but it also has one of the highest survival rates. Being aware of your body can help eliminate or manage breast cancer risk. You do not need to worry even if you find a lump or something abnormal. It could be anything from harmless fibroids to scar tissue. The most important thing is to know before it's too late. 

Breast-feeding, healthy lifestyle choices and weight management have been proven to have some effect on mitigating the risk of this kind of cancer. However genetic factors, family history of cancer and age seem to be high-risk factors. However, researchers have not yet been able to find exact reasons or causes and until then, regular checks are vital for all women of all ages. 

International Chefs Day - 2017

International Chefs Day falls every year on October 20. This international observance is considered to be a professional day of all chefs around the world. The holiday was established under initiative of World Association of Chef's Societies in 2004.

Celebration of International Chefs Day usually includes culinary contests that are organized in many big cities. The chefs of leading restaurants come to the contest and show their skills through live cooking sessions.

The chefs associations may organize special activities and events that involve children and young people. Chefs visit orphanages or kindergartens, where they teach children cooking and also explain the importance of healthy food. Young people get to learn more about the profession and valuable lessons at the workshops, organized by prominent chefs.

Every chefs association tries to organize eventful programs, that elevate the image of this profession, popularize professional culinary art among people. Also raise public awareness of the importance of healthy and balanced food, as well as issues pertaining to it’s wastage.

We at the Apeejay Institute Hospitality organized a Walkathon for Chefs this year. Joining them were the other colleagues, and students or chefs in the making. They had a great time amidst the beauty of nature. It was aimed at promoting health and wellness among the fraternity. On reaching back, they had a sumptuous breakfast at the institute and then attended a workshop on Food safety and nutrition.

I had the privilege to be the master of ceremonies, the workshop started with an address by the principal Mr. Bhuvan G M. He emphasized on the expanding role of professional chefs and how it was important to be updated and be relevant in the fast changing times.

Chef Kapil Kumar and Chef Amrita Prabhudesai took the participants through the evolving culinary trends. They also spoke about the evolution of the profession from its humble beginnings; to now it being a very skilled and respected trade.

The guest speaker at the event was Ms. Vanitha Sridhar, a Hygienist by profession.  She holds a Masters in Food Technology and in Quality Management from BITS Pilani and is a certified ISO 22000 and CIEH Level 3. She conducts training programs for students and hospitality industry professionals in Hygiene and Quality Assurance.

The session was very informative and well received by all present. The information provided was useful not only for the young chefs but everyone in the audience as it was connected with every consumer’s life.

The programme concluded with a video prepared by the third year students Jay Tamakuwala and Vikrant Gawade. The celebrations and discussions continued through lunch as it was the Chef’s Day, good food had to be a part of it!

A recipe has no soul, you as the cook must bring soul to the recipe.

May the chefs keep bringing soul to the recipes and keep the gourmet enticing for the rest of us to keep enjoying delectable food. To chefs cooking is not a passion, it is their life. I know many of them; friends, colleagues and my own Chef Professors and trainers. I also know the kind of passion that they exude. It’s not just picking up a knife and entering the kitchen. A great chef carries his heart and soul up his sleeve and into the kitchen, generally called his den. Are they any lesser than the wild cats? If you have been inside a hotel kitchen, you’ll know where I come from. The working brigade is as enticing as the food itself! 

Please don't wear heels, and Don't dance!

Knee story - Part 3

I am happy today, in fact extremely happy and as they say happiness knows no bounds; it holds so true for me at this moment. Guess what? I am sure if you have read the last couple of my posts, you'd have guessed it right. I am talking about legs and knees these days. I must have looked at my knees more times in this month than I might have done in my entire life. So here we go, it's positive news from my doctor and I wish to share with the ones who are following my posts, the ones who are facing medical emergencies or a trying health condition. It's a feel-good post as I am not a doctor but a strong believer in the process of self healing through positive mindset and attitude. The body listens to you, it's your friend, a true one! You spend all your time with it, it's your temple. So if you have the faith it'll work with you giving you the results that you have visualised. Your visualisation has to be powerful, the very best that you can think of. After all the mind is fertile, put it to good use.

Last evening I had to go for a review to my doctor, my elder one came along. We reached the clinic at the appointed time and met Dr. Maheshwari. My son was happy to see him as he already knew a lot about him thorough our conversations. I am happy to see my children showing interest in my recovery, they even remind me to do the exercises. Appreciate the thoughts of 11 and 8 year olds, as a parent I feel blessed. Who doesn't like to be cared for!

Doctor asked me how I was, I told him that I felt superb! He then examined my knee and asked me to bend it. I tried but it didn't bend completely. It was but natural, as I hadn't bent it for the more than one and a half months. By now it was stubborn, anything stubborn needs to be tamed. Which I will and soon. Being a wife, mother, teacher and trainer; above all being a woman this comes naturally to me. I asked him if I could do some yoga, he gave me the permission for that but told me to do the exercises on a bed rather than on the floor. He also advised not to do anything that'll strain the knee much like the Suryanamashkar. He told me not to wear heels and not to dance. I had a hearty laugh, where in the world was I going to dance? Only wish that I had was to be able to walk properly. Needed my mobility back. 

I had a few doubts and concerns that I got cleared from him. I shared a few things I had read on the internet, to which he said, "If you all read everything on the internet what will we doctors do? We'll lose our jobs! On a serious note, each case is different and each patient is different. That can be evaluated, diagnosed and treated by an experienced doctor only." I couldn't agree more, being a trainer I could share my content with anyone but what I deliver and how I deliver it is completely driven by me. Each one of us has vitality that's attached to one and only that self. No one can take it away. That's the value we create for ourselves.

I guess he read my thoughts and told me to take operation off my mind. He reinforced that if I was 20 and very active in sports may be he'd have but not as I was not eligible for that honour. Honour? Again he spoke about Sachin Tendulkar, looks like he's a big fan of the legend. He said, "Even if Tendulkar came to me today with that injury, I wouldn't suggest an operation as he is now retired and at the most would do some coaching." What an example! but I loved it. Tendulkar is called God, who wouldn't like to hear stories of the God! So what if it was just an example to make things clear to a novice.

He told me that the thought or fear was out of the knee but the mind had to be cleared.  So true, a lot of things happen because they occupy a great deal of space in our minds controlling our thoughts. One needs to work on the mind first. He said that I'd be fine in 100 days and then I could wear heels and dance as well. In the meanwhile I had to do a couple of exercises with weights. I could swim or do some cycling on an exercycle. So no more medicines this time and he wrote Better on my file. I started showing him a few exercises basically yoga poses that I was planning to do. He told me to see his online videos that had some exercises, then I realised I was actually behaving like a very happy child, thrilled with what was to come. Felt a bit embarrassed as some patients were waiting but in my heart of hearts nothing else mattered but the feeling of being able to move around without any bondage! I believe that the willpower is a muscle that can be strengthened.

I walked out of the clinic with my son having the Nile sized smile on my face. I am only keeping the walking stick  just as an extra support if need be as the Mumbai weather has forgotten to update itself, we are having extended rains. Today am bending it like Beckham and spirits touching the sky. Feeling thankful and loving myself for being 'gutsy'. I keep showering praises at everyone, once in a while a bit of self praise is okay I guess!

Now on mission 100!

PS Pictures are taken from Google

Sailor's life

Receiced a forwarded message on my whatsapp and I felt it being so true. Sharing it here with due credits to the author, poet or sailor. Salute to him for beautifully expressing his thoughts and sharing a page from his life, speaking not just for himself but the entire fraternity.  I know they are men of a few words and many can never express what they feel with words. They are the action speaks louder than words people. They'll do, you have to feel! It wasn't just like that the sailor's girl was called the queen. He'll treat you like one. As a sailor' s wife and a blogger I have covered many aspects of our lives from a woman's perspective. It's heartwarming to hear from the sailor in his own words. I say that every word is true and deserves it's weight in forget gold, may be platinum if any value could be attached to it. It's priceless to say the least!

An ode to the true Sailor

My life moves in a circular direction. I come back home to go away and go away to come back.

I have no address except for the name of the vessel yet my passport shows one. My home is elsewhere, where my heart belongs.

I am not like any other man but yet I am the most ordinary person at heart.

I cannot go through the daily mundane stuff of the ordinary man and yet the ordinary man cannot take the pain I go through.

He cannot live away from his home, love and life for months on end.

He cannot be the helpless son, lonely husband or the yearning father.

He will never know the frustration of staying awake for days and many times not getting rest at all, working round the clock.

There are no constant time zones we stick to.

The ordinary man will not know the lonely cabins I come to after work, where as he comes to a house full of people.

He gets to eat what his mother/wife cooks and gets to be hugged by his children daily.

I only see them growing in pictures, he gets to hear them and see them daily, whereas I have to be strong and do my duties.

My wife must be silently wiping her tears, braving the pain & consoling the kids that father will be home soon.

Her hands must be longing to hold mine, her heart must be longing to love me, her lips must be longing to tell all that happens during the day, her eyes longing to look into mine.

Whenever she looks at couples on the way to market, she must be turning her eyes away and consoling herself that just few more days.

I am an ordinary man away, doing my job. I tell everyone to understand that I need to be away.

I am not a Casanova, I go to the shore to step on land because I've not felt it beneath my soles for long.

I am a very lonely man.

The biggest fear that grips my heart is when my family needs me I may not be around.

I fight myself daily, I fight these surging thoughts, I tell myself-not now mate, duty calls.

I look forward to the day I meet my folks at home, pray for their safety and wellbeing and hope they are happy.

I only want them to know, while I stand tall at the bridge, that I love my family and I am proud of who I am and what I do.

The ordinary man I am inside, I shall always be.

But the man I am today, no ordinary man shall be..

My sailor's ways

After being married for 12 years, when I look back so many things unfold that once got me upset were actually his ways of sensitising and preparing me for our lives ahead. I have been like a princess for him from the day we were introduced for marriage, I say introduced as it was an arranged marriage.

He had seen my house and my room during our courtship days which were about 6 months.  In our culture the girl goes to her husband's house only after marriage. So I hadn't seen his. But when I went there our room was a replica of my own at my parent's house, but bigger and more luxurious as it was going to be for the two of us, with stars on the ceiling that lit bright in the night. I could look at them when he was away on work. He got his house renovated before our marriage and a lot of ideas were taken from mine so that I was comfortable and the place had an element of familiarity. I literally felt at home!

My first Karwachauth was during our courtship days. He was home then, my mom in law asked if I would like to follow the ritual which I immediately answered in the affirmative. He called again to tell me that it was never a compulsion, he thought I might not be the girl who'll fast with no food or water. I told him that I loved all the festivities connect with it moreover it was a celebration of our love, which was blossoming then, I'd fast for sure. It was evening almost 10 pm and he hadn't come to see me. I was so very upset visualising all the romance of the festival that our Bollywood films brought. I did the rituals with my mother. He could have come over and made it even bigger than DDLJ but he chose not to as I'd be alone the next Karwachauth.  He didn't want me to miss him thinking of how it was the first time. It did happen that he wasn't home the following year and I celebrate the festival with my mom in law. He called and hearing his voice mattered the most to me.

He has had his ways of making a girl who was cocooned and everything provided for, into a Sailor's Queen. When I go down the memory lane, just like today being the Karwachauth and he busy onboard into a long manoeuvring, I realise how smart he has been preparing me for things without ever dropping a hint. Some of those incidents caused misunderstandings or tiffs but he made sure that I learnt or discovered things on my own. The more I learn about him the deeper my love becomes.

Many sailor' s wives, fiancees and girlfriends follow my blogs and so many write back to me. I felt like sharing a few cherished moments from my life. A sailor has his way of doing things, just be with him with all your love and understanding, you'll be his forever queen!

Love is not looking at each other but looking in the same direction.

Happy Karwachauth, be blessed!

PS Mehendi pic courtesy Nisha Siddarth, a Sailor queen.

Online Reviews - the good, the bad and the ugly!

Knee story - Part 2

If you're booking a weekend getaway, buying a new microwave, or trying to find the best barbecue grill in the neighbourhood, you may first check a few online reviews on your smart phone or laptop and then take your decision. I guess we don’t wait to find our answers we look up online instantly, these online ratings are an example.

We don’t want to remember things in fact we have stopped memorising anything , be it a password or a phone number. I remember before my first mobile phone I could easily remember phone numbers of my friends and relatives easily making more than 30. Not just that but also their birthdays and much similar information that I don't feel the need for anymore. My smartphone has certainly made me dumber in the memory department if not elsewhere. I was talking to a colleague the other day while he was going through presentations sent by students for evaluation. Did see that they lacked originality, the reason is not that they are not imaginative, these days people don’t want to spend time working around things, no one wants to reinvent the wheel.  What you get as a result is  an add-on of what has already been attempted. But who knows while trying they may come up with something that can actually save the planet! Some great inventions and discoveries have been accidents just like some smart people may have been a result of an accident!

Influence of online reviews

We for sure know that one shouldn't believe every review he or she reads. Yet nearly 80 percent of consumers trust online review sites as much as personal recommendations, according to a study by BrightLocal, and almost 75 percent say positive reviews make them trust a business more.

Only about 25 percent believe information available on rating sites is unfair, based on another survey by Maritz Research. As you might predict, both studies found older baby boomers are less trusting of online review sites than the younger consumers, the internet generation who have grown with their smartphones and Google Baba. Instantly logging on, reading and valuing reviews as well as contributing to the sites with their opinions.

My take

I have never really cared about reviews as I feel they are personal opinions of people and a lot depends on their own personalities and liking. Movies are a classic example, what one raves about and the critics giving a 5 star rating may be one of the worst that you have been exposed to. Whereas the one film that you loved thoroughly hardly managed to get a single star. Ratings are there for almost everything, you name a business there is a rating for it. Not just businesses but a corporate office may be rated too. There are many rating sites mushrooming but the bigger players are more trusted such as the Tripadvisor, Zomato or the Glassdoor. When you travel you should make your own memories, the destination is not as exciting as the journey itself. People’s views are helpful but they should not be a deciding factor. People have herd mentality, one thought might result in a biased opinion.  I also have learnt that there are paid reviews, what’s their sanctity then? You must try things and make your own reviews, if reviews are to be used they should be used as references and one must read a few references before coming to a conclusion good or bad.

I recently wrote about my experience with orthopaedic surgeon Dr. Mahesh Maheshwari. While at his clinic on my second visit being extremely happy with the treatment and positivity I got from him; we had a little chat as there wasn’t another patient after me. I discussed my concerns, he had read my blog too and he thanked me for the positive words I had for him. I told him that it wasn’t a rating or a review it was my own experience and I felt that it could help someone somewhere just like I had read a couple of similar experiences. Those stories helped me cope better with my injury, the recovery looked very hopeful. He said a few things that justified my reservations about online reviews.

Reading my blog he said, “I am obliged. I passed my 12th in 1982 and was a meritorious student. It was possible for me to enter any profession. I chose to become doctor. Today I think it was a correct decision. I have 3 businesses listed on Google. If possible please put reviews in them. Some of the patients did not pay my fees and posted negative reviews. Nowadays good doctors and teachers don't get their deserved due respect”.

Infact hearing this I learnt even doctors were reviewed and people used these reviews as references. Everyone must use a second or third opinion if there’s a need, that’s taken. Sometimes a review should not point the sour grapes. To review someone needs a lot of maturity, one has to be impartial and should know how to critique. It’s easier to criticise someone but critiquing is an acquired skill.  I told Dr. Maheshwari that he brought in so much of experience and the way he spoke told me that he knew his job well, where did the reviews come into picture? I have been in the people’s industry for more than two decades and can understand people to some extent.

Dr. Maheshwari did agree with my take on the reviews and he added, “More than experience and professional qualifications, I am happy to say that I have been honest and advise my patients whatever I am likely to advise my family members.  I empathise with my patients. Whenever a special request comes for concession from the needy I never refuse. In last 25 years have treated more than 1 lakh patients and many families still approach me with full faith. This has been the most fulfilling part of my career. Unfortunately I am not competent to satisfy all!”

A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding.

~Marshall McLuhan

Probably he was referring to the negative reviews; I understood where he was coming from. During our chat I told him what I did and how training, learning and empowering others was something close to my heart and I did programs towards this personal mission. He told me that if I found someone who really needed his help but was poor or under privileged, I could refer the person to him and he’d certainly look after the treatment. I loved what he said and was thankful to him; it’s an empowerment when you can be of help to someone. It made me wonder whether reviews made an individual or was a person more of a whole lot of other smaller essential elements that added to his personality. It is said that the average man's opinions are generally of more value to himself than to anyone else. Nothing can replace you as a person; each one has his own vitality that cannot be replicated. Reviews and ratings won't add up to making that personality!

I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!

~Theodore Roosevelt

PS Pictures are taken from Google, with due credits!