Sailor's life

Receiced a forwarded message on my whatsapp and I felt it being so true. Sharing it here with due credits to the author, poet or sailor. Salute to him for beautifully expressing his thoughts and sharing a page from his life, speaking not just for himself but the entire fraternity.  I know they are men of a few words and many can never express what they feel with words. They are the action speaks louder than words people. They'll do, you have to feel! It wasn't just like that the sailor's girl was called the queen. He'll treat you like one. As a sailor' s wife and a blogger I have covered many aspects of our lives from a woman's perspective. It's heartwarming to hear from the sailor in his own words. I say that every word is true and deserves it's weight in forget gold, may be platinum if any value could be attached to it. It's priceless to say the least!

An ode to the true Sailor

My life moves in a circular direction. I come back home to go away and go away to come back.

I have no address except for the name of the vessel yet my passport shows one. My home is elsewhere, where my heart belongs.

I am not like any other man but yet I am the most ordinary person at heart.

I cannot go through the daily mundane stuff of the ordinary man and yet the ordinary man cannot take the pain I go through.

He cannot live away from his home, love and life for months on end.

He cannot be the helpless son, lonely husband or the yearning father.

He will never know the frustration of staying awake for days and many times not getting rest at all, working round the clock.

There are no constant time zones we stick to.

The ordinary man will not know the lonely cabins I come to after work, where as he comes to a house full of people.

He gets to eat what his mother/wife cooks and gets to be hugged by his children daily.

I only see them growing in pictures, he gets to hear them and see them daily, whereas I have to be strong and do my duties.

My wife must be silently wiping her tears, braving the pain & consoling the kids that father will be home soon.

Her hands must be longing to hold mine, her heart must be longing to love me, her lips must be longing to tell all that happens during the day, her eyes longing to look into mine.

Whenever she looks at couples on the way to market, she must be turning her eyes away and consoling herself that just few more days.

I am an ordinary man away, doing my job. I tell everyone to understand that I need to be away.

I am not a Casanova, I go to the shore to step on land because I've not felt it beneath my soles for long.

I am a very lonely man.

The biggest fear that grips my heart is when my family needs me I may not be around.

I fight myself daily, I fight these surging thoughts, I tell myself-not now mate, duty calls.

I look forward to the day I meet my folks at home, pray for their safety and wellbeing and hope they are happy.

I only want them to know, while I stand tall at the bridge, that I love my family and I am proud of who I am and what I do.

The ordinary man I am inside, I shall always be.

But the man I am today, no ordinary man shall be..

My sailor's ways

After being married for 12 years, when I look back so many things unfold that once got me upset were actually his ways of sensitising and preparing me for our lives ahead. I have been like a princess for him from the day we were introduced for marriage, I say introduced as it was an arranged marriage.

He had seen my house and my room during our courtship days which were about 6 months.  In our culture the girl goes to her husband's house only after marriage. So I hadn't seen his. But when I went there our room was a replica of my own at my parent's house, but bigger and more luxurious as it was going to be for the two of us, with stars on the ceiling that lit bright in the night. I could look at them when he was away on work. He got his house renovated before our marriage and a lot of ideas were taken from mine so that I was comfortable and the place had an element of familiarity. I literally felt at home!

My first Karwachauth was during our courtship days. He was home then, my mom in law asked if I would like to follow the ritual which I immediately answered in the affirmative. He called again to tell me that it was never a compulsion, he thought I might not be the girl who'll fast with no food or water. I told him that I loved all the festivities connect with it moreover it was a celebration of our love, which was blossoming then, I'd fast for sure. It was evening almost 10 pm and he hadn't come to see me. I was so very upset visualising all the romance of the festival that our Bollywood films brought. I did the rituals with my mother. He could have come over and made it even bigger than DDLJ but he chose not to as I'd be alone the next Karwachauth.  He didn't want me to miss him thinking of how it was the first time. It did happen that he wasn't home the following year and I celebrate the festival with my mom in law. He called and hearing his voice mattered the most to me.

He has had his ways of making a girl who was cocooned and everything provided for, into a Sailor's Queen. When I go down the memory lane, just like today being the Karwachauth and he busy onboard into a long manoeuvring, I realise how smart he has been preparing me for things without ever dropping a hint. Some of those incidents caused misunderstandings or tiffs but he made sure that I learnt or discovered things on my own. The more I learn about him the deeper my love becomes.

Many sailor' s wives, fiancees and girlfriends follow my blogs and so many write back to me. I felt like sharing a few cherished moments from my life. A sailor has his way of doing things, just be with him with all your love and understanding, you'll be his forever queen!

Love is not looking at each other but looking in the same direction.

Happy Karwachauth, be blessed!

PS Mehendi pic courtesy Nisha Siddarth, a Sailor queen.

Can't say goodbye to my sailor!

The making of a queen

I recently discovered that a sailor’s wife is actually called a Queen! Late discovery but the feel of it has been there for ages. After the late discovery…. why is it sounding like a late harvest to me? May be I am putting all those moments as ingredients for making a good wine! Wine has clarity, taste, body, maturity and something unique to it in terms of being sweet, woody, earthy, or may be just plain dry! Let’s see what has made this wine strong, if it can be called so!

We were travelling across the state of Kerala (India) after our marriage. We spent almost half a month there. It was my choice for a honeymoon destination, over hubby's Maldives beach holiday. Reason? I’ve grown up in Kerala and love its people and culture. Childhood memories and growing up years are always special. I wanted him to connect with the place I had so many fond memories of.

In fact I use every opportunity to travel to the state and at every time possible! 

We were at the ancient palace at Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala, clicking pictures like newly married couples do, and other tourists would offer to click some for us. There were no selfies those days, you see! An elderly lady who was sitting there, reminiscing in the beauty of the palace was watching us. She told my husband to always treat me like a queen. I really liked the way she said it, that brought a smile on his face and I could see sincerity and love in his eyes. It’s been many years but I have remained his queen, he never ceases to treat me like one. 

A queen has to always hold her head high 

Where does the strength come from? I guess it's just harnessed from within. She has to play multiple roles that of a wife, mother, son to the in laws and man of the house most of the times in her sailor's absence. The most difficult time for her is when the sailor is all set to join back on work. 

It isn’t any easy for him either. He starts preparing for it weeks in advance. It's more of an emotional preparation rather than collecting items on the packing list or completing errands on the 'to do' list. He’s going to be away from family, his near and dear ones for long. He may get to speak to them but it won’t be that regular. His children are going to achieve small milestones that he might miss. He also would miss the little family events children’s or his spouse’s birthdays, his anniversary or the festivities. He’s going to be away from all of the little joys of life. He prepares in his heart and mind to detach and be ready for the call of his duty. He knows he’s doing all this for his family, for their happiness. He thinks like a provider. The logic gets the better of him and the sailor is all set to go, sign on for his duty.

The queen prepares herself too. Showing all the strength that she can and keeping a smile on her face, assuring her man that she'll be fine and so will be everything else.

On a deeper level she starts missing him right from the moment there is an intimation of his joining back, missing him even before he left. Trying to, soak in as much as she could. Making him talk just to hear his voice, looking at his face and make a mental note of every fine line that might have appeared. Every mole that might have pronounced itself and see how broad his smile could get. These are the things that'll keep her going month after month till she meets her man again. This wait will never be easy but it'll certainly be 'worth it' in every single way!

Distance is to love like wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!

The distance is just a matter of separating two in physicality but the hearts are connected. This connection strengthens the relationship and the love grows deeper. The countdown begins the day he leaves home and every passing day brings him closer home; with the hope of fair winds and following seas always.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. ~ Helen Rowland

PS: pictures are taken from google with due credits

When I couldn't go sailing!

I was told to write an article covering the dos and don'ts that a lady should follow when she joins her husband on the ship. By virtue of me being married to a mariner, this is but naturally expected from  me. I have a blog so I guess that automatically makes me the person to do the honours. I am grateful for the privilege.... but there's a little hitch. The little hitch is that I haven't sailed with my husband yet! When I was to write on the topic I spoke to him on phone, enjoying the luxury of Whatsapp calling (ofcourse when the time zones don't clash and he has the time to talk). I was pulling his leg saying that I wasn't qualified to write on the topic as I hadn't sailed with him. I felt he really took it seriously and was clearing his side of the story by telling me that it was actually me who had no time and suffered sea sickness! I said that was long time ago, may be not anymore; as I've been riding the waves ever since we became husband and wife. Jokes apart, I have sailed on a ship not with my husband but with my dad, who was a saturation diver and a marine commando in the Indian Navy. It wasn't a long sailing but long enough for me to have lasting memory. The voyage was from Chennai to Port Blair, that used to take 3 days. Dad was posted to Port Blair from Cochin and we all moved there. The only mode of transportation was either the ship or the aeroplane. The option two was ruled out as we'd be travelling with a lot of luggage. Secondly dad wanted us to experience a proper voyage, though we all had been a part of day sailing on the naval ships as a part of the family day celebrations. Had that 'little extra' privilege to go boating on the high speed boats called the geminis with dad when he was an instructor at the training base.

The Background

Its important for the people to understand where I come from, only then the sailing or lack of it will make sense to them.  Here we go, I used to have motion sickness as a child, have never sat on a Merry go round till now! When visiting Fairs I must have only seen the "Maut ka kua" my biggest adventure and never tried any of those fancy rides. Even now when I take my children for the neighborhood fairs and they want to go on the rides, I look for a volunteer, buy him a ticket and make him sit with the kids. 

Getting back to the story,  I was in 9th grade when we had to go to Port Blair on dad's transfer. He was wondering whether I should go on the ship or by flight. It would require a lot of planning and making logistic arrangements in case I had to take the plane. So it was decided that we'd all go by ship. My younger brother and sister were excited but I had mixed feelings. Anyway, Dad got the tickets for us on one of the biggest passenger ship's of that time and in one of the best cabins ( in the lowermost part of the vessel so that the rolling and pitching wouldn't be felt much). My preparation for the voyage was a camera with additional rolls and avomine to see me through the voyage. We got into the ship, the on boarding experience was great. We still had time till the ship set sail. I took an avomine and gave one to my brother and sister. Guess what?... we all fell asleep and when we woke up the ship had left Chennai. The moment my siblings woke up and saw just the sea everywhere, they blew their tops! They never forgave me for making them miss the opportunity to see the ship leaving the harbour.

How Sailing has eluded me

Got engaged to my sailor in April 2005. We had a courtship of about eight months, during that time, like all couples do we would discuss many things about us, life, our life together etc. He was sailing as the chief mate then. I made it clear to him that I wouldn't want to sail with him for long periods of time (for obvious reasons, as already covered in the background) as I had a career too. He wasn't really looking forward to it either. Just imagine a man who wasn't open to getting married in the first place was walking that path. Wife being with him even at work may not have been an ideal situation for him or any other man for that matter ... am just guessing! We got married in December that year, the very next contract he was promoted as the Master. When I joined back on work after a vacation of two months, a colleague told me that it was such an adventure to sail on a ship and see the world. She suggested that I should do it as it was privilege that I could enjoy as a sailor's wife. She added how that was the right time to spend quality time with hubby, get to know  him better, his job and also have a long vacation with him. I thought really deep and hard, it was a privilege for sure but pregnant women were not allowed onboard. She got to know later why I was still going to work and not sailing around the world with my husband.

Three years I couldn't join hubby as children less than two were not allowed on the ship. Elder one turned two, thought of doing his passport as we could join his dad if an opportunity arose, that is, my vacation and hubby being at a convenient port. Ultimately didn't hurry with the child's passport as we discovered that he was to become the elder brother soon! We had sailing restrictions for the next three years as well. 

When the younger one turned two the elder one finished his kindergarten and had to be admitted in the bigger school. Getting into a good school is a bigger challenge than even college admission. I was handling two hyperactive boys, my job and home. Sailing was stuck somewhere in between the higher responsibilities. Ten years went by we trying to balance our careers, family, children's school and our love for roadtrips. Now is the ideal time for us to plan a mini voyage with hubby. May be have the school vacation and my leave matched so that we can experience at least 30 days of being onboard a vessel. 

  

Tips for a great experience onboard 

So what if I haven't sailed yet I know what is to be done! Have discussed with my sailor and also have heard from the ladies who have sailed with their husbands. Here are a few tips that can be followed:

• You must carry all things that’d require while onboard, clothes, medicines, cosmetics etc.
• You can catch up on your sleep
• Read books that you didn’t find the time for or watch movies that you missed.
• Enjoy the sea and its vastness; imagine getting  those click- worthy views.
• Do your yoga or use the gym and remain fit. In fact the routine onboard will keep you in great shape, both mentally and physically.
• Write your blog / story/ poetry or click great pictures that can be kept for eternity or shared with family and friends
• Help in the kitchen planning menu or sharing some great cooking tips and most loved home recipes.
• Help organize festivals, special occasions or parties.
• Participate in the drills and follow all safety and huygiene rules
• Be on time always
• Help organize things for your sailor, his laundry, food etc
• Don’t interfere in his work but help him perform better.
• Help the cadets doing the deck job or just chipping and painting, it'll be fun for you and they'll be motivated too.
• Use shore leave to go out and see new places, whether with your husband or alone if he is tied up with work.
• If you are a professional such as a trainer or a doctor you can organize some training classes for the crew.
• Organise fun activities such as games or contests that can keep everyone engaged and it’s a good pastime during long sailings.
•  If you have your children with you then you must ensure their safety.  Take care of them without causing any disturbance / inconvenience to anyone including your own husband specially during working hours.
• You'll get so much quality time with your husband, remember he will be always on board and not joining his boys group every now and then that some ladies are not really fond of!
• Above all enjoy your time onboard and create happy memories!

PS pictures are taken from Google with due credits, for representational purpose