Can't say goodbye to my sailor!

The making of a queen

I recently discovered that a sailor’s wife is actually called a Queen! Late discovery but the feel of it has been there for ages. After the late discovery…. why is it sounding like a late harvest to me? May be I am putting all those moments as ingredients for making a good wine! Wine has clarity, taste, body, maturity and something unique to it in terms of being sweet, woody, earthy, or may be just plain dry! Let’s see what has made this wine strong, if it can be called so!

We were travelling across the state of Kerala (India) after our marriage. We spent almost half a month there. It was my choice for a honeymoon destination, over hubby's Maldives beach holiday. Reason? I’ve grown up in Kerala and love its people and culture. Childhood memories and growing up years are always special. I wanted him to connect with the place I had so many fond memories of.

In fact I use every opportunity to travel to the state and at every time possible! 

We were at the ancient palace at Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala, clicking pictures like newly married couples do, and other tourists would offer to click some for us. There were no selfies those days, you see! An elderly lady who was sitting there, reminiscing in the beauty of the palace was watching us. She told my husband to always treat me like a queen. I really liked the way she said it, that brought a smile on his face and I could see sincerity and love in his eyes. It’s been many years but I have remained his queen, he never ceases to treat me like one. 

A queen has to always hold her head high 

Where does the strength come from? I guess it's just harnessed from within. She has to play multiple roles that of a wife, mother, son to the in laws and man of the house most of the times in her sailor's absence. The most difficult time for her is when the sailor is all set to join back on work. 

It isn’t any easy for him either. He starts preparing for it weeks in advance. It's more of an emotional preparation rather than collecting items on the packing list or completing errands on the 'to do' list. He’s going to be away from family, his near and dear ones for long. He may get to speak to them but it won’t be that regular. His children are going to achieve small milestones that he might miss. He also would miss the little family events children’s or his spouse’s birthdays, his anniversary or the festivities. He’s going to be away from all of the little joys of life. He prepares in his heart and mind to detach and be ready for the call of his duty. He knows he’s doing all this for his family, for their happiness. He thinks like a provider. The logic gets the better of him and the sailor is all set to go, sign on for his duty.

The queen prepares herself too. Showing all the strength that she can and keeping a smile on her face, assuring her man that she'll be fine and so will be everything else.

On a deeper level she starts missing him right from the moment there is an intimation of his joining back, missing him even before he left. Trying to, soak in as much as she could. Making him talk just to hear his voice, looking at his face and make a mental note of every fine line that might have appeared. Every mole that might have pronounced itself and see how broad his smile could get. These are the things that'll keep her going month after month till she meets her man again. This wait will never be easy but it'll certainly be 'worth it' in every single way!

Distance is to love like wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!

The distance is just a matter of separating two in physicality but the hearts are connected. This connection strengthens the relationship and the love grows deeper. The countdown begins the day he leaves home and every passing day brings him closer home; with the hope of fair winds and following seas always.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. ~ Helen Rowland

PS: pictures are taken from google with due credits

Professions and Relationships- is there any connection?

I had written an article for the Mariners Galaxy a portal that has it's tagline as Maritime world at one place.  Here's the article for you. This happens to be one of my most shared articles on the portal. It was litled, " Am so brave coz I am a sailor's wife".

It’s certainly being brave being a wife; no matter whose! 

Am sure you've heard the saying, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I haven't read the book though, by the same title written by John Gray. It was always on the back burner and still remains there! May be one day soon I shall grab a copy and read it. 

Also, have heard that, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but they suffer on Earth!

Coming to the point, how being married itself is being brave. I am certainly not an expert on the subject but I do have a Martian in my life.... actually three if the little Martians can be counted in the list! My first experience with this Martian was when we met for the first time, almost 13 years ago. Yes, we liked each other, when we got talking he spoke only his negatives. I wondered how someone couldn't think of anything positive in him, quite contrary to the general expression by most men. They try to impress the lady, may be this Martian had marriage on mind so he hit the nail on the head. If it struck it was good otherwise all was well; must have been the thoughts in his mind. It did work and worked how.....we are married!

I have read articles/ blogs/ queries coming from sailors’ wives and most of them have the tone, that of being brave, making supreme sacrifices or that of being different. All women are different! People are different including identical twins! Some common ones expressed by shippy wives are:

1. Loneliness’

Sailors wives have to be alone most of the times or for months together. That's true for all wives whose husbands are in the armed forces, paramilitary, police, are doctors or hoteliers for that matter. They are away generally and on important dates, they'll certainly be away! That doesn't make us much different isn't it?

2. Sailors are the best

Sailors are human beings and they can be good or not so good. Profession doesn't really have a bearing on one's character. Sailors are certainly good at multi tasking and have many skills. Agree they are great guys who can do almost everything and can get along with almost everyone. In their profession too they work with different nationalities and different teams on every contract. This makes them amicable and tolerant. You are certainly lucky if you managed to get the best out of them (I mean men here)

3. Love story

A write up by a shippy wife will always be on her love story. Have read so many love stories of the sailors, in their better halves' versions. Are people really interested in knowing how you met and what you did? All love stories have all the elements of a blockbuster and a sailor story is no different. It does have a dash of long distance romance but that garnish comes with the dishes churned out by many other professions such as marketing or IT for instance.

4. Sailor's queen

Every man worth his salt will ensure that his wife is treated, as well as lives the life befitting a queen. I personally feel a sailor's wife does most of the things on her own when her husband is away. She doesn't depend on a battery of servants to manage things for her. She is much more than a queen. She becomes a master, just like many other women who manage their homes, work and lives in general. 

I am asked so often, how do I deal being married to a sailor who is away from home for months. I think it's a choice I made.  I chose the man and he came as a 'package' that had his family, his profession and his identity. I am an independent woman, have my career, my children and my family. I am an equal half to my husband so we need to work together and manage our work and home front just like any other couple. 

A girl who is in a relationship with a sailor and wants to walk down the aisle with him must not be scared of the misinformed notions surrounding him by virtue of his profession. But must think of it being like any other relationship where the husband is away for a few months. It becomes a long distance relationship then, having its own pros and cons. The biggest being, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. So prioritizing and celebrating those differences is the key. 

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. Men and women think differently, their brains are wired differently. Men will talk straight and women will look for some emotional 'aw moments' in them. They are genetically designed to read between the lines and they do a lot of that; whereas men will go by what is being said. This can be a little point of difference. It is this point that generally leads to the fall out or may be even  a break up. Toilet seat can lead to a furore, whether it has to be kept up or down! Life is certainly not that bowl; so prioritizing is the key. 

PS: pictures are taken from Google with due credits!