Can't say goodbye to my sailor!

The making of a queen

I recently discovered that a sailor’s wife is actually called a Queen! Late discovery but the feel of it has been there for ages. After the late discovery…. why is it sounding like a late harvest to me? May be I am putting all those moments as ingredients for making a good wine! Wine has clarity, taste, body, maturity and something unique to it in terms of being sweet, woody, earthy, or may be just plain dry! Let’s see what has made this wine strong, if it can be called so!

We were travelling across the state of Kerala (India) after our marriage. We spent almost half a month there. It was my choice for a honeymoon destination, over hubby's Maldives beach holiday. Reason? I’ve grown up in Kerala and love its people and culture. Childhood memories and growing up years are always special. I wanted him to connect with the place I had so many fond memories of.

In fact I use every opportunity to travel to the state and at every time possible! 

We were at the ancient palace at Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala, clicking pictures like newly married couples do, and other tourists would offer to click some for us. There were no selfies those days, you see! An elderly lady who was sitting there, reminiscing in the beauty of the palace was watching us. She told my husband to always treat me like a queen. I really liked the way she said it, that brought a smile on his face and I could see sincerity and love in his eyes. It’s been many years but I have remained his queen, he never ceases to treat me like one. 

A queen has to always hold her head high 

Where does the strength come from? I guess it's just harnessed from within. She has to play multiple roles that of a wife, mother, son to the in laws and man of the house most of the times in her sailor's absence. The most difficult time for her is when the sailor is all set to join back on work. 

It isn’t any easy for him either. He starts preparing for it weeks in advance. It's more of an emotional preparation rather than collecting items on the packing list or completing errands on the 'to do' list. He’s going to be away from family, his near and dear ones for long. He may get to speak to them but it won’t be that regular. His children are going to achieve small milestones that he might miss. He also would miss the little family events children’s or his spouse’s birthdays, his anniversary or the festivities. He’s going to be away from all of the little joys of life. He prepares in his heart and mind to detach and be ready for the call of his duty. He knows he’s doing all this for his family, for their happiness. He thinks like a provider. The logic gets the better of him and the sailor is all set to go, sign on for his duty.

The queen prepares herself too. Showing all the strength that she can and keeping a smile on her face, assuring her man that she'll be fine and so will be everything else.

On a deeper level she starts missing him right from the moment there is an intimation of his joining back, missing him even before he left. Trying to, soak in as much as she could. Making him talk just to hear his voice, looking at his face and make a mental note of every fine line that might have appeared. Every mole that might have pronounced itself and see how broad his smile could get. These are the things that'll keep her going month after month till she meets her man again. This wait will never be easy but it'll certainly be 'worth it' in every single way!

Distance is to love like wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!

The distance is just a matter of separating two in physicality but the hearts are connected. This connection strengthens the relationship and the love grows deeper. The countdown begins the day he leaves home and every passing day brings him closer home; with the hope of fair winds and following seas always.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. ~ Helen Rowland

PS: pictures are taken from google with due credits

Professions and Relationships- is there any connection?

I had written an article for the Mariners Galaxy a portal that has it's tagline as Maritime world at one place.  Here's the article for you. This happens to be one of my most shared articles on the portal. It was litled, " Am so brave coz I am a sailor's wife".

It’s certainly being brave being a wife; no matter whose! 

Am sure you've heard the saying, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I haven't read the book though, by the same title written by John Gray. It was always on the back burner and still remains there! May be one day soon I shall grab a copy and read it. 

Also, have heard that, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but they suffer on Earth!

Coming to the point, how being married itself is being brave. I am certainly not an expert on the subject but I do have a Martian in my life.... actually three if the little Martians can be counted in the list! My first experience with this Martian was when we met for the first time, almost 13 years ago. Yes, we liked each other, when we got talking he spoke only his negatives. I wondered how someone couldn't think of anything positive in him, quite contrary to the general expression by most men. They try to impress the lady, may be this Martian had marriage on mind so he hit the nail on the head. If it struck it was good otherwise all was well; must have been the thoughts in his mind. It did work and worked how.....we are married!

I have read articles/ blogs/ queries coming from sailors’ wives and most of them have the tone, that of being brave, making supreme sacrifices or that of being different. All women are different! People are different including identical twins! Some common ones expressed by shippy wives are:

1. Loneliness’

Sailors wives have to be alone most of the times or for months together. That's true for all wives whose husbands are in the armed forces, paramilitary, police, are doctors or hoteliers for that matter. They are away generally and on important dates, they'll certainly be away! That doesn't make us much different isn't it?

2. Sailors are the best

Sailors are human beings and they can be good or not so good. Profession doesn't really have a bearing on one's character. Sailors are certainly good at multi tasking and have many skills. Agree they are great guys who can do almost everything and can get along with almost everyone. In their profession too they work with different nationalities and different teams on every contract. This makes them amicable and tolerant. You are certainly lucky if you managed to get the best out of them (I mean men here)

3. Love story

A write up by a shippy wife will always be on her love story. Have read so many love stories of the sailors, in their better halves' versions. Are people really interested in knowing how you met and what you did? All love stories have all the elements of a blockbuster and a sailor story is no different. It does have a dash of long distance romance but that garnish comes with the dishes churned out by many other professions such as marketing or IT for instance.

4. Sailor's queen

Every man worth his salt will ensure that his wife is treated, as well as lives the life befitting a queen. I personally feel a sailor's wife does most of the things on her own when her husband is away. She doesn't depend on a battery of servants to manage things for her. She is much more than a queen. She becomes a master, just like many other women who manage their homes, work and lives in general. 

I am asked so often, how do I deal being married to a sailor who is away from home for months. I think it's a choice I made.  I chose the man and he came as a 'package' that had his family, his profession and his identity. I am an independent woman, have my career, my children and my family. I am an equal half to my husband so we need to work together and manage our work and home front just like any other couple. 

A girl who is in a relationship with a sailor and wants to walk down the aisle with him must not be scared of the misinformed notions surrounding him by virtue of his profession. But must think of it being like any other relationship where the husband is away for a few months. It becomes a long distance relationship then, having its own pros and cons. The biggest being, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. So prioritizing and celebrating those differences is the key. 

All husband-wife relationships involve love, respect, caring and sharing. Professions may have a little bearing on that but not overtly. Relations are more of understanding, mutual respect and to accept each other's differences. Men and women think differently, their brains are wired differently. Men will talk straight and women will look for some emotional 'aw moments' in them. They are genetically designed to read between the lines and they do a lot of that; whereas men will go by what is being said. This can be a little point of difference. It is this point that generally leads to the fall out or may be even  a break up. Toilet seat can lead to a furore, whether it has to be kept up or down! Life is certainly not that bowl; so prioritizing is the key. 

PS: pictures are taken from Google with due credits!

Mom my rockstar!

I got a message from one of my ex students who is an entrepreneur and a public speaker saying that he’d asked one of his colleagues to get in touch with me for a mother’s day activity. I was wondering what it was all about and how was I any different as a mother. All mothers are special; here I am not referring to women who have given birth to their children but all those who have that caring and nurturing instinct in them.  That makes them equally special if not more. It is said that the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.  Mother to me is more than a relationship, it’s a ‘feeling’ and her love and care can never be described. For when a child is born the mother also is born again. I knew about mother’s day in bits and pieces, of late we have started celebrating it in India too. Agree every day is mother’s day and it really doesn’t require one to choose a day to wish their mothers but what’s the harm in celebrating what makes people feel special? Anything that makes you feel good isn’t that bad an idea after all. Whatsapp will be full of content that traces the origins of this day. I found some and sharing the same here with you all to see where it really started.

Mother’s Day is a day for many to thank and show their appreciation towards their mothers and mother figures. It is an annual event celebrated worldwide but it may fall on different dates in the calendar, depending on the country. It is held on the second Sunday (being a non working day) of May in many countries. It’s a day to remember mothers and mother figures such as stepmother, mothers-in-law, a guardian, a relative or a family friend who has been like a mother. There are many ways to celebrate Mother’s Day.  Some common ones are:
 Giving Mothers Day cards, flowers, and/ or cakes.
 Mother’s Day poems and messages self composed or bought in the form of a picture frame or a memento. 
 Gifts such as chocolates, jewelry, accessories, clothing, hand crafted items, hobby ideas and accessories or gift vouchers.
 An outing or a day at the movies with mothers.
 Phone or video calls if one cannot meet the mother or is based in another city or country.
 Family gatherings or events where all mothers and children celebrate the occasion together.
 Family brunches, lunches, or dinners either at home or at a restaurant.
 Gifting mothers a day at the spa or a complete health check up.
 Creating a traditional or conventional album of all pictures and photographs. 

For me mother’s day celebration began almost 15 years ago, that’s when I learnt about it. Got flowers and cake for mom and thanked her for all that she has done for us brother and sisters. It has continued over the years. Then mom in law joined the celebration after my marriage. Now, it’s two cakes and two bouquets. I generally have lunch with one and dinner with the other. Haven’t got both of them together yet may be this year, will have family celebration. 

Origins of Mothers Day
The origins of Mother's Day, as largely celebrated these days can be attributed to two women – Julia Ward Howe and Anna Jarvis, who were important in establishing the tradition in the United States. Around 1870, Julia Ward Howe called for Mother's Day to be celebrated each year. It continued to be held in Boston for about 10 years under her sponsorship, but died out after that. Other sources say that Juliet Calhoun Blakely initiated Mother’s Day in Albion, Michigan, in the late 1800s. Her sons paid tribute to her each year and urged others to honor their mothers.
In 1907, Anna Jarvis held a private Mother's Day celebration in memory of her mother, Ann Jarvis, in Grafton, West Virginia. In 1908, she played a key role in arranging a church service that attracted 407 children and their mothers. A Mother’s Day International Association was founded in 1912 to promote the holiday in other countries. Mother’s Day has grown increasingly popular since then.
Many people believe that Mother’s Day is now very commercialized, with card companies, flower shops, jewelry stores, gift shops, restaurants, hotels, and department stores advertising promotions and special deals for this event. Anna Jarvis, in her lifetime, unsuccessfully filed a lawsuit to stop the over-commercialization of Mother's Day.

Mothers Day for children away from home
Children such as sailors who are away from their families for long periods of time. It is said that distance makes relations grow fonder. Use this distance to make the bond with your mother even sweeter. Men are generally less expressive but making a phone call to your mother or a mother figure will certainly bring in loads of smiles and a few tears. Women are emotional and mothers in particular, simply adore anything their children do, that says ‘they care’. They won’t really bother about any material gifts but a couple of words do for them, bringing a lifetime of happiness and more.

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life
~Abraham Lincoln

Wishing all mothers a very Happy Mother’s Day and all children, young or old, all the happiness!

Mom, you make me who I am

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.
~George Washington

When I think of my mother, I think of a very strong woman who fought all odds to make sure that her first born survived and survived to be a warrior!  That’s me who was born premature and at home; barely into the seventh month of pregnancy. My Naval diver dad was away for a course and mom had to stay with my grandparents in a remote village in Uttarakhand, there was no hospital close by and healthcare unheard of during those days. I came unannounced and too soon,  no one was prepared including my mother. She was very young. She gave birth to me and nursed be all along to ensure that I survived, she named be Laxmi after the warrior queen of Jhansi, Rani Laxmi Bai. Don't know if I've turned out like that but my mother has treated me like a princess all through....I still am, her princess!  Mom has been my biggest support system, my friend, philosopher and guide. She allowed me to take my own decisions, be it choosing a field of study, career, marriage or any other matter. She was there with me through all thick and thin. I believe I have really been lucky to be born to her. Got luckier; when I got an equally loving, caring and supporting mother in law.

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.

 ~Jessica Lange

I guess you need to know where I come from to understand the gratitude that I feel and the bleesing that I count. I am a professional with a career spanning over 20 years and a hands- on mom, have two lovely sons. I have gone through all the concerns and challenges that every mother faces. It wasn’t easy as I had to single handedly manage things, not depending on my mariner husband who is away for months.  My mothers; mom as well as mom in law have been the pillars of strength for me. They form a great support system, creating the right environment for my children to grow up in. Otherwise I don’t think I’d have been able to do justice to the roles that I play being a mother, daughter in law, professor, trainer, counselor and a blogger. Every woman wears multiple hats and she has the power to manage every role beautifully. The key being investing in relationships, if you want a 100% from anyone your contribution has to be much more than that. All relations are important but that with the mother in law is very special. When I look back, I am happy with my journey so far and I look forward to equally awesome years ahead. I owe all this to my moms. 

In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe. 
~ N.K. Jemisin

Happy Mother's Day!